I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
