Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
