Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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