Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
