so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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