I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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