I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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