i think my tv is drunk
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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