so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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