I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
