Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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