I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
