you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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