oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
