he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
