I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
