I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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