careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
