of course. lets lasso hookers.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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