I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize