no, he came in my armpit
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
