My room smells like vodka and shame
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
