he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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