I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
