Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
