You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
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