Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
