the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
