Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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