If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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