you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize