with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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