wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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