Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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