I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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