What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
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We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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