your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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