i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
