opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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