will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
