It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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