he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
