She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
not ubering you a puppy
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
