Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
