There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
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