why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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