the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
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He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
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I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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