Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
