i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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