im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
