I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
