I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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