i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
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I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
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If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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