a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
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