Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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