You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
you had me at cake vodka
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
