Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
