yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
