and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
