Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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