you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
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just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
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Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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