"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
