We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
