I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
