My hair reeks of homosexuality.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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