No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize